14
We're an unexpected decision. I have admitted so. It seems like about 2,5 years ago I first recognized you, either asking your name or asking the time to you. I can't remember how can we get close enough to each other till one day I realize that you meant the world to me. I'm not exaggerating, it's truly true to say that everything is related to you. You're the thoughtful one and at the same time you can be the one whom I can laugh out loud with. You sometimes get me dizzy, you suck my attention. I still can't understand why God has to put us in this situation. I don't want to be naive, but honestly I always hope you can be the last guy whom I can spend the rest of my life with just like a 5-year-old girl who likes to wish that kind of living happily ever after. How should I call it? It's either I'm in love with you or I'm in you with love. You're my feeble. You're laxity.
As a 17-year-old girl who is madly falling in love, I also wish for an eternity. I always attempt my self to believe our existence. I mean, I still can't believe that we're in love, or actually am I just the one who falls in love with you? I'm honestly afraid. I'm just afraid, in the end I'll eventually end up trying to vanish all the bittersweet memories and sweet bitterness between us. I always hate that idea of vanishing memories, whether it's good or not. Because, I always find it hard to deal with the loneliness, pain, tears, and everything that is related to it. There are some people who have left scars to me that can't be erased or removed. No matter how good the quality of my eraser or remover, there will always come time when I'm trapped in that situation of remembering all those things behind my present (re: the past). The most thing I hate is having that situation when all the memories just come back across my mind, then linger in my head and cling in my heart and make my day full of.... well I call it bullshits.
Dear, I might be your annoying lover. I might be the one who can laugh out loud, louder than a man can do, I might be your silly girl who can make you laugh till you're burst into tears, or I also might be the one who can get your head spinning because of the stupidity I make. But, please, just stay no matter what happens. Your enormous heart makes me strong. I gain more strength, I can survive, struggling in every difficult thing. You're the Pandora's Box. You make me spending hours, even days and months, just to guess what is behind your mind. And now I know that it should be more depressing if now I'm not with you. I never realized that you're meant to me till you chill me with insanity.
I always love hat moment when I'm cursed by the abnormality of excruciatingly admiring someone, as suddenly you come towards me and say "take care'' or ask "have you had your lunch?" You can make me happy just by doing that, isn't that easy? I'm so glad knowing that there's still an opportunity for me to absorb through your heart instead of evaporating in your hands. I want you to know that I love you without excuses as the complement. You're supposed to be excruciatingly happy as I admiringly eulogize you now or perhaps forever if forever isn't that long.
Loving you doesn't consume so much energy and I'm delighted to be like this. I completely understand that it will eventually lead me to huge aches as I let myself being taken along to the river in your eyes. I don't have to dive down, but I did. I have dived down not just to the river in your eyes, but also to the ocean in your soul, even the trench in your heart. Basically, I have to make sure that I will finally be brave enough to be parted from you. Because I always remember that nothing lasts forever. Perhaps, I can be the analogy of Wine that lasts longer meanwhile at the same time I'm just Ultra Milk that lasts shorter than Mineral Water. Who knows? No one can understand how complicated someone's thoughts.
You are the confusion
You are the admiration
You are the addiction
You are the depression
You are the excitement
You are the melancholic tragedy
You are the therapeutic endlessness
You are the sweet madness
You are the bittersweet sweetness
You are the glorious sadness
But, you are the delightful happiness and I love you so.
"You're the abstract painting that hangs in the corner of the gallery that no one understands no matter how long they stroke their chins."
So, do you love me as much as I do?
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