Dealing with The Insecurities of My Lesbian Friend's Family

azquotes

On a serene evening I spent doing some college assignments and drinking a cup of ginger coffee, out of the blue I got a message on whatsapp from an unknown number, that after a couple of moments, I acknowledged as an aunt of V, my junior high school friend. I somewhat couldn't stop wondering from who she got my number yet until now she doesn't make a sound of telling me about that. The last time I met V was almost a year ago and we haven't had interaction ever since that. At first, she started asking me whether I am a friend of her niece or not, I think to make sure that she didn't approach the wrong one. And after that she started asking me common questions like how my parents condition was, or how my college life was like. I totally didn't expect anything serious except kept trying to figure out the motives behind our weird conversation at that time. I already knew that she was V's aunt because I have met her before when I visited V's house a long long time ago. Until she made me dumbfounded by asking me a particular sensitive question I think she couldn't ever knew at all.

"Do you think that my niece, V, is a lesbian?"

I wasn't shocked at all because V has came out being lesbian to me since she was in the 7th grade of junior high school. We were once the classmate and sat in the same seat, and ever since that we hang out together. I knew that she has dated some girls either in my school, or another one. But, what was dumbfounding was the fact that, her family already knew that, and in this case was the unpredicted one, her aunt. Why her aunt? Why didn't her mom or dad or sisters? How could it be happening? I thought V did everything secretly. 

"You knew, she came from a respectable family and her parents have done their best to raise her well. It would be such a same thing that would degrade our family status if this is true."

I was speechless and out of words. I really wanted to type,"if she's lesbian, so what?" But instead of sending a provocative reply, I told her that I knew no idea of V being lesbian because during my friendship with her, she has got close with some particular boys even she decided to create no commitment at all (of course I told white lies). Her aunt didn't seem satisfied to my answers and kept asking me more and more. Until I told her not to suspect her niece all the time by seeing the positiveness and achievement V's has created by not having boyfriends (or in this case I said things as if V didn't have relationships because of wanting to focus more on her study, not because she's a lesbian), then she got tired interrogating me and I praised the lord for that. After that I decided to block her in case she would put me in the same sickening interrogation anymore. I'm so done.

I know I shouldn't question anymore on why it's very unacceptable to be lesbians or a part of LGBTQ+ people in Indonesia, because it is just a common knowledge that for the sake of morality, religion, and eastern culture, it is absolutely forbidden to love and marry the same sex being as us. And for the sake of morality, religion, and eastern culture too, people are prohibited to harm, discriminate, and harass so many LGBTQ+ people in Indonesia. But why things should turn out being like that? I always thought that religion provides us peaceful life. I never thought that morality allows us to kill. 

Back then, talking about V, I am so sorry to her life and how tough things work on her. Actually she's just the embodiment of perfection, a beautiful and stylish young lady, with a gentle heart and soul.  She comes from a wealthy family in town and has no worry about her welfare. She always becomes an outstanding student and left the town for attending one of the prestigious public universities in the country. She always makes straight A and she is socially an active individual by joining as many organization as possible. She is the best futsal player in her campus futsal team. The only thing that makes her look bad to people (if only they know) is the fact that she's a lesbian. It's just like her sexual orientation will ruin all of her greatness in a blink of an eye. It is just very very unfair. It is fucking unfair to define someone only by her sexual orientation, that in this case is very subjective.

To think logically, I think V has proven that sexual orientation doesn't define anything at all except to whom we desire and love. It is proven that any particular sexual orientation doesn't make people inhuman and cruel. Being homosexuals doesn't make someone likes to genocide. Being a lesbian doesn't make V a serial killer. But this understanding would never be achieved to those who are not willing to be logical and open-minded. Society here would label LGBTQ+ people more sinner than the most voracious corruptor or the cruelest serial rapist in town.

Unfortunately, V's family didn't support her at much, or we can conclude that her family gives her the pressure as hard as the society gives her. I always believe at some points where family is the best home to seek for everyone, including LGBTQ+ people. Family should embrace them by not blaming and giving them pressures. Family should be the party who understands most. Because there are just so many LGBTQ+ people being victims of  suicide, and the number of it always gets high each year. They commit suicide because of being sick of the pressures they've got either from the society or the family. They get depressed because of being discriminated, marginalized, and harassed. 

V always told me that she's tired dealing with her conservative family and surrounding that made her have to play hide-and-seek every time. She told me that she wanted to show her passionate love freely like many heterosexuals did. She told me that she wanted to be loved just the way she were without pretending to be someone else. She was just too sad. I knew that she was depressed and she often told me so. Time was too difficult for her especially during our high school era when she had to refuse a lot of boys asking her on dates. At that time she has been in an uncountable heartbreaks after knowing that the girl she loved already had a boyfriend. Many repetitive stories were told until we went to university and got parted. Our activities made us very busy that we slowly forgot each other. Then, we are not close anymore. Yet, till now I still consider her as my long-time friend I know.

Until now I haven't told V about this. Neither do I ask words from her. I saw her timeline on her facebook a couple of days after that but I got nothing more than just some photos of her campus life and activities. But one thing I wish, that she is happy with her life and she always loves every decision she's created. I wish someday her family would accept her for the way she were. I wish the best for her.

Nov, 16 2016

A.