Why I get Over The Toxic Relationship

I've stupidly began a relationship with someone who started our commitment with lies. It sucked and didn't work out. I excruciatingly cried over him, thinking that the distance between us was the thing that separated us. But I was wrong.

At first I thought that besides the distance, the gap of culture and social status were the other problems. Yet, the only genuine problem were the lies he began with, even they were particularly white lies. There's nothing good about lies, isn't? His dishonesty destroyed my patience, sincerity, and loyalty towards him.

If you're familiar with the phrase of 'emotional cheating,' you may understand how it feels like. At first, it meant nothing to me, because it's quite usual for me to get attracted to other people while dating another one. But the intensity of him got worse in the end and it affected his behavior towards me. Whenever he got frustrated and disappointed because of his inability to move on from his previous long-term emotional partner, he treated me badly.

It was just like I wanted to yell at him in the face: "just blame that bitch for your suffering, I owe you nothing, jerk!"

I was devastated, really. I never thought that I would be treated so much worse. I felt like shit. I thought I wasn't a good girl that's why he treated me that way. I underestimated myself. I lost confidence of my own self. The books I read, the experience I got, the life and the achievement of me meant nothing more than just ashes in front of him. The pain I gained was tremendous. I tried to get over him, yet he always came apologizing and repeating the same mistake in the next couple of weeks.

After the rough months I've been through, I got really mad and couldn't cope the suffering anymore. I saw red in the most hateful way I could achieve. This time he apologized and promised me to change. Fortunately, he changed his behavior, but he still lied. And this time I can't forgive no more.

So I decided to leave him. I think I deserve to be loved and treated well, and I have to treat and love others that way. I deserve the happiness and affection since I love myself more than anything. I shouldn't let myself suffer too much because of others. I shouldn't endure so much pain because of prolonging this toxic relationship.

And I'm glad I've successfully got over it :)