Just Because a Girl Enjoys Spending Night With You, That Doesn’t Mean She Wants to Sleep With You.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

I met this guy a few months ago. We had a part-time job in the same place. He was pretty intellect. He mastered classical philosophy (which I’ll never be interested with at all) and we actually shared the same view on politics and spirituality. During the work, we usually spent time talking about so many things, from Foucault’s ideas of madness to the recent trend of Dangdut Koplo music.

Basically, he was quite appealing yet I knew he already has a girlfriend. his girlfriend is my own best friend. I had no intention to get close to him until one day I was off to work because of being hospitalized, and he came by bringing some nice foods, and fruits. He helped me a lot during that time. So we got close.

We started to talk more about our personal life, our love-life, and problems. He often said to me that he was bored with his girlfriend. I usually gave him advice. I didn’t recognize something odd until he asked me out one day. He said he wanted to treat me.

I once rejected his invitation, telling that I was busy with my job and research since I always told myself not to hang out with someone who’s dating another girl. But somehow there came a time when I was so lonely and I needed someone to have more talks to. So after begging to ask me out for a thousand time, he got what he wanted, I agreed. I thought that hanging out was not the same as dating, so I would not be involved in such a stupid affair.

After the first hangout, we spent at least four times, having endless chit-chat either in the city plaza, 24-hour café or in our favorite angkringan near the city square. The last time we hung out, we had dinner at that kind of mountain restaurant, 30 minutes ride from the city, which offered the best view of the town. The view was perfect and we had such a perfect chit-chat. We discussed lots of things.

It was late at night. So I asked him to go home since I was having an appointment with my professor at 8 AM. Surprisingly, he refused. He asked me to visit somewhere nice. I didn’t get what he meant until he frankly asked me to sleep with him. “Why don’t we book a nice room and sleep here?”

I was out of words. I remained silent for a couple of minutes. I asked him how he could dare thinking like that.

His answer was a bit infuriating. “I thought a girl like you, who enjoys spending entirely a night with a guy, would like to end up in bed easily.”

I told him that I would like to sleep with a guy if I wanted to, but I didn’t want to sleep with him because I just didn’t want to sleep with anybody at that time. I didn’t get angry because he asked me to sleep with him, but instead of that, I was angry because of his narrow-minded thought on seeing a woman.

He added that a good girl won’t spend a night with a guy alone. She would be home sleeping, or waking up late at night to have night prayers. I never thought his view on seeing women could be so behind the times, or somewhat conventional. I finally figured out that he was just like the usual Indonesian guys who were so misogynist. Just because a girl enjoys spending night with guys, having discussions, and hanging out, that doesn’t mean she wants to sleep with one of the guys.  

Why are boys so equipped with his own masculinity, anyway? Hooking up with numbers of girl doesn’t make you successfully conquer the world. And besides that, girls have rights to choose whether they want to have sex or not, and they also have rights to express their needs. It doesn’t make them sluts, your narrow-minded make them like that. If they don’t want to, you can’t force. It’s as simple as that.

I forced him to take me home. He eventually turned his car around and went straight to the city. He apologized to me but I said there was no use. He kept telling me that he must be wrong and narrow-minded, he promised me not to think like that anymore. He said he was so ashamed. I didn’t care at all, I didn’t pay attention to his utterance. All I wanted was going home and sleeping in my comfortable bed.

Before I went out of the car, he told me that he would not bother me anymore. He even permitted me to tell his girlfriend about this. I only whispered it was okay after all, I told him I just wanted him to get the hell out of my life. I would keep my mouth shut. I haven’t met him anymore since that night.

So after all, I guess it is needed for men to stop thinking so narrow minded like that. Just because a girl enjoys spending night with you, that doesn’t mean she wants to sleep with you. Note it carefully!

*this is a true story, the name, place, and time are hidden due to keeping the privacy.